good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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