dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
