Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
