I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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