I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
