I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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