So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
