reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
