He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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