I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
