My room smells like vodka and shame
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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