I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
