Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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