I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
