I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
