Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
