i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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