just tell him i said nine months
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
