Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
