Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
