Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
