I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
