Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
