You really coming over, don't trick.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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