when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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