I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just high enough for therapy.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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