Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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