I murdered the dance floor call the cops
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
