just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
