shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
