The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
