go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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