I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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