nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
