well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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