UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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