I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
