my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
