and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
