there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
