ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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