I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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