I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
