i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
