okay pat passed out under dana's car
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
