i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
