Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
