He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
