my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We are all done wearing pants today
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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