I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
