just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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