She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
