thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
