please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
